Live

I've felt like this before, yet never so intensely. I've wanted this before, but now i want it even more. I'd never realized what a waste my life was until i saw it clearly. I always said, "this is me, this is what i believe, this is what a love"... was it all a lie? Has my life been lived thus far with no purpose? Have I been aimlessly, yet so purposely followed the road that leads to where I'm going? Redundant and chaotic may seem my words, but it's what i feel. I've been striving to please God, striving to do my best, but...am i really? Was i doing it out of pattern? Out of the knowledge that I had? What is knowledge with no passion? What is affection without love? What is beauty without eyes to discern it? What is a human without purpose? Where does the sense of purpose come from? True, it is from God, oh, but how often we find our own purpose, how often we seek our own want of a different destiny. I feel as though I have lost time. It hit me as hard as a crashing wave on Sunday night that time is running out, no one knows how much we have left. Life is fading into darkness. Why are we standing here and letting it fall? Why are we letting light slip away so quietly, like a child gently falling to sleep? Why are we not saying anything? Why am I keeping quiet? God, how I have realized my mistake, how true it is that i do not deserve to say "forgive us God, for we know not what we do" when we see it as plain as day!!! Why are we so stubborn? Do we not realize that if we do not open up blind eyes, pierce deaf ears, shout out for mute hearts, our life will be but a waste? Do we not realize that once we enter the gates of heaven, we will never be able to work again? We will never be able to put our hand to a plow and feel accomplished. We will never again be able to lead someone to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ? "Look for the lost while they may be found"... Life is but a grain of sand on a beach compared to eternity, yet it is so important, because what we do with it now will drastically change what will happen later. Work while work may be found, give while need may be needed, and love while hearts may be broken, for a time will come when we will regret not living.