So for the past few days, this is what i've been doing.... 1.) Crying 2.) Praying
3.) Writing (these are written in a desultory way, just so you know)...but on Thursday I had to do something that really hurt...I mean REALLY! And I had to hear something that hurt almost even more. When I heard this, and had to do what I did, I realized how dependant and attatched I had been..but I wasn't dependant on God. For a couple of weeks, my source of joy wasn't God, my source of...security wasn't in God. My priorites were so out of place. I must admit, right now i am still soo confused about everything (concerning this subject). I don't really know what to do, what to say. All i know is that this is just too complicated, and i need to get it right. My heart was broken into a million pieces...But that's why God is so amazing...You see He has this glue called "love, acceptance, and forgiveness" that He uses to mend my heart back together. I can't remember the last time i was so in love with God. If there is anything positive that has come out of this situation, it's that I realize that God should be the source of everything good. God should be the reason I smile, God should be the reason I feel secure in myself, God should be the reason I laugh. True, people can add to that joy, but GOD should be the MAIN source. My flesh is hurting right now, but my heart is at peace. My emotions are....emotional :) but my soul is safe and secure. That's how i know that I'm doing the right thing...as much as it might really be hurting and confusing me, I know that this is not the end of life! It's just God pruning me, and putting me on the right track again "setting my eyes on the prize, not looking to the left nor the right"..to focus on what I'm supposed to be focousing on. So yeah, I made a mistake that left my heart hurting and broken, but sometimes, that just makes it stronger...